How to Make a Positive Change in Your Spouse

Every day in  brings new delights and disappointments. Having their own life with their own issues, our mate brings to the relationship “baggage,” just as we do.

Day in and day out living will bring many minor irritants—the bath towel left on the floor, the dishes left in the sink, the bills not paid. You must have a plan on how you will deal with these irritants.

There will also be more significant issues that arise—broken promises, emotional or physical unfaithfulness, neglect. You must also determine how you will respond to these.

Too many people don’t really have a functional way of dealing with small or large issues. They have not stepped back (as I’d like you to do now!) to consider how they want to respond to stress. Having no plan, they default to complaining. This may take the form of small, sarcastic jabs at your mate, letting them know you are unhappy.

• “Why didn’t you pick up your towel after showering?” you ask critically.
• “I don’t know why you don’t simply pay the bills when they come in!”
• “I hate it when you play on your computer when I’m trying to talk to you.”

Not only is complaining ineffective, and most often brings a defensive rebuttal from the one being complained about. It is a sure way to start a fight. Scripture warns us about complaining: “Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged” (James 5:9
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